Despite showing a lot of promise in one particular Under 14’s season; I’ve now just about managed to let go of the fact that I’ll probably never make it as star striker for my beloved team.

Like loads before me the emergence of an interest in recreational ‘good stuff’ as a mid teen began the process of putting pay to those net-bulging dreams.

I do though believe I’d make a bloody good kit-man.

Once them pre-madonnas got over the fact that they’d have to wear black boots, have just the single haircut (rather than the 3 in 1 styles currently favoured) and take their bloody earphones off their head on leaving the team bus, I think we’d get on all right.

I’d make sure their kit was washed in non-bio, was nicely pressed, and their shorts had a sheen to them.

Best of all I’d carry their kit in this bag from adidas; and we’d look like ‘winners’ straight away.  From that oh so 70’s beige leather look fabric to the belt closing, side panel; the round handles and metal trim; and then finished with that iconic oversized adidas wordmark print on both sides.

An archive bag for champions, or at least those who fancy a shot at the title in the here and now (Check out the ‘swoon-inducing’ Podolski carrying the kit in the SPEZIAL photos from Kevin Cummings.)

We’d all think-on like it was the early 70’s and once the game was over, I’d pull out of my well packed magic bag, long-lapelled tracky tops, suede trainers and packets of fags. Then we’d hit the best bars of the Northern Town we were in and party the night away with champagne swigging, curly-topped stunners.

adidas.co.uk