Hangover Cures

If you’re like me & you don’t just resemble Ollie Reed but you often find yourself feeling like him, then I’m sure you’d welcome all advice (however pathetic/dangerous/morally wrong it is) on how to get rid of them, so here’s my advice.

More Alcohol

Of course this is an obvious choice for old hands at the drinking game like myself, but many people shy away from the bar the next day or get as far as the first drink & then bottle out or throw up. The trick is to persevere past the first drink & you’re home and dry. Of course your liver will have more ulcers than a Raver’s gums but at least your eyes will stop hurting & you’re less likely to get run over (I can’t make any promises though).

Greasy Food

Perhaps before you go running to the boozer you may like to partake of some traditional English Breakfast fare. Now I’m all for eating healthily but this bastion of English cuisine is a perfect cure for the Sunday Morning ding dongs. Your food doesn’t have to be dripping in grease but the consumption of something fatty (bacon, sausage,) along with some carbs (Beans), a dash of protein (egg) & vitamin C (tomatoes, ketchup) is medically proven to lessen the after effects of equilaiosis, the fat actually stops the weird bacteria (or something) developing in your stomach that makes you feel sick. Smart eh?

Tablets

I’m pretty much against drugs (well legal ones) but Anadin Extra are pretty good for keeping the nightmares away as are Solpadeine and so much cheaper than cocaine.

Exercise

Now the last thing anyone wants to do after drinking Aftershock all night is pop down the gym, so the best thing to do is something recreational like a kick-about in the park or a good swim (for those monumental holiday hangovers). All the sweating should flush the toxins out of your body- either that or induce a heart attack. Remember to drink plenty of H20 as well & the odd isotonic (which cares for the environment) drink such as Gatorade, Lucozade or Guinness.

Water

You drink enough of it & I swear most of your hangover problems will be over. Oh you’ll piss like a Shire Horse & feel a bit bloated but once you’ve done a good 3-4 litres in you’ll be as right as rain (you’ll sound like it too). You may wish to accompany your drinking with a salt snack to both combat dehydration & encourage thirst.

Nurishment

This stuff is made in Jamaica. It contains loads of vitamins & Iron etc. They drink Rum in Jamaica- very nasty unrefined Rum and this is like an antidote. Believe it bredrin, available in most garages or cornershops in rough neighbourhoods.

Sex

What is it about hangovers that makes you feel like you’ve been mugged by a bull, had your mouth washed in ammonia but also give you the horn (maybe it’s the bull connection, no? I’ll move on)? It does though doesn’t it? I think it’s something to do with blood circulation or maybe we’re just still pissed & gaggin for it. Without a doubt the combination of a good sweaty horizontal workout with an endorphin (i.e. natural painkiller) enriched orgasm is guaranteed to stop those monkeys clog dancing in your head.

Neil Summers

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