Are you a lad nouveau or a lad vieux?

According to Pete Beale (or is it Steve?) Posing fuckers like us aren’t making up for a poverty stricken childhood where we had to be rock hard and/or dead funny to avoid getting crucified for wearing snide Walker trackie bottoms instead of proper Tacchini ones (though personally I didn’t have either). No, we’re something known as lad nouveau, which to be honest sounds a bit gay to us, do this test now or we’ll smack you and pop the tyres on your Grifter you little dick. Shit I forgot to use the word ‘nascent’ in that paragraph.

1.  What do you think about Stone Island?

A. Strictly for the Teds these day I’m afraid.
B. As long as their coats make me look like an Indian elephant God then I’m happy.

2. Who is Daiki Suzuki?

A. Does he make motor-bikes? Oh hang on he was in that krautrock group Can wasn’t he?
B. The bloke who I spent all of last weeks wages on.

3. Do you have any posters on your wall?

A. Yes one of Scarface/a monkey in the bath smoking a cigar.
B. Yes, it’s a black and white medicine bottle with ‘PRESSE NE PAS AVALER’ written on it, I know it goes against the whole ethos but it just goes really well with my Ricard ash-tray

4. If something costs loads of money, is very hard to get hold of and is bright yellow what do you think about it?

A.  That must be one important canary.
B. Who the fuck can I rob to get one?

5. Is watching Ultimate Fighting Championships more fun than going to the football and twatting someone?

A. No.
B. No but I want to go to America on me holidays one day and I have hardly any knuckles left so I’m sacking all the scrapping off.

6. Where do you live?

A. The North East /South East /South West.
B.  The North West.

7. What ‘s currently getting a lot of play on your ipod at the mo?

A. The Courteneers, The Enemy & the new Oasis stuff.
B. Anything Daniele Baldelli could gauch out to, Neon Neon & the new Portishead stuff.

8. Would you ever wear Ben Sherman?

A. Get to flowery fuck!
B. Erm……… maybe.

9. kim Jones, would you?

A. Yeah she sounds fit.
B. No thanks, I’ve got a missus (who wears Fjallraven occasionally).

Mostly As
Ahh how simple life must be for you, everything is black and white isn’t it? You don’t have to worry about what you wear in case somebody you’ve never met off the internet sees you in clothing that has been available online for over a week. You luck, lucky bastard.

Mostly Bs
Welcome to Propermentalaboutbuyinggearsville, population us. Hey buddy can you spare me a dime? I need to buy my wife and kids a 6876 Sonora.

Read more about this strange phen…phoeneo…phenom…erm scene here..

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