OK so we’ve all caught ourselves reading online about the latest latest Y-front necked cardigans to come out of Kawasaki or articles on how to look just like a 1930s New Jersey toilet attendant. But have you gone too far and swapped your Kickers for Trickers, your bum-bag for a man-bag and your alehouse for an Atelier?
Grab your (limited edition Mont Blanc x Supreme) pen and do this quiz immediately to find out if you’re taking the style blog thing too far.
1. What is your name?
2. What were the first words you ever said?
3. Your street has had a power cut. What do you do?
A. Fumble about under the sink for a torch, brew up and have a big laugh about “what we did before telly was invented!”
B. Fire up Skype on your iPhone 7 and demand your designers commission a candle to mark the occasion, which you’ll charge brewsters for.
4. What is your ideal collaboration.
A. Cagney and Lacey, Mulligan and O’Hare, Fish and Chips
B. Mark McNairy x Nigel Cabourn x My Little Pony
5. On a scale of one to ten, how much would you like to be Japanese?
A. One I suppose. Much as I admire Japan I’m fairly happy being me.
6. What are you getting your nephew for Xmas?
A. Whatever’s left in Argos on Christmas Eve
B. An original GI Joe in 1943 Burmese fatigues which is for show only (obviously).
7. Check your phone. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
A. My sister.
B. Brett Viberg
8. What do you wear to bed in winter?
A. Just a t-shirt and undies.
B. Clean, classic microfleece lined jockey shorts (nearly always a simple necessity), grey marl vintage effect t-smock, Junya Watanabe ear defenders and Yuketen bed-socks with vibram soles
9. Where are you at your most comfortable?
A. In my own bed
B. Up my own arse
10. Which famous person’s hairstyle most resembles your own?
A. Bryan Adams/ Pugsley Addams / Gerry Adams
B. Hermann Wilhelm Göring / Maharishi Mahesh Yogi / Jerry (Lee) Lewis
11. What do you usually do before leaving the house?
A. Have a quick peek out of the window to see if the weather is nice enough get away with wearing suede wallabees and a light jacket.
B. Email Nigel Cabourn a photograph of what you’re wearing with ‘Yes/No?’ underneath it
12. Have you bought a dead old fashioned bike in the past three years?
13. When was the last time you had a good laugh?
A. This morning when my child/wife/pet dog farted in the bath
B. When I overheard someone at the Pitti Uomo call ‘Free & Easy’, ‘Easy & Free’. Actually I didn’t laugh I just stopped looking dead serious for two minutes.
14. How many capes/bow-ties/pairs of ridiculous glasses do you own?
A. I have one of each for when I dress up as Superman for the Rotary.
B. Four/Seven/Forty nine
Oh well looks like it’ll be a while before you’re on first name terms with menswear royalty. You do a job with your hands don’t you? Not cutting material or making edgy sculptures, I mean, you know in a factory (not a cool New York one though).
Oh dear, you face a future of waking up in the middle of the night panicking that turn-ups might have disappeared off the style radar over night or that Mark McNairy doesn’t like you
Half and Half
Would you like a job writing for Proper?