S.E.H. Kelly Competition, Win a Heavyweight Tuck-Stitch Jumper! (NOW ENDED – Well done to Owen!)

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It’s been a while since we’ve done one of our competitions so we thought we’d pull all the stops out and offer you the chance to win a serious piece of luxury winter wear. One of you lucky lot will be winning themselves an amazing S.E.H. Kelly ten-gauge, tuck-stitch,  jumper (worth £280) in either a no nonsense crew or sumptous shawl neck. The “ten-gauge” part means ten stitches per inch, which doesn’t take much imagination to realise results in armour-type thickness. One jumper folded neatly, indeed, is the same height as four of S.E.H. Kelly’s semi-cutaway shirts (themselves no slouches in the thickness department).

The “tuck-stitch” part, meanwhile, means a traditional stitch with the yarn-strands woven into an interlocking matrix-like fortress of warmth. But what the jumpers gain in density and warmth they don’t lose a bit in comfort. The yarn is the finest lambswool going; lambswool that could quite easily get away with calling itself cashmere. And so the jumpers have a tremendous softness that is worlds away from the stiffness attendant to most knitwear of similarly nuclear-grade thickness.

S.E.H. Kelly make their garments using makers solely from within the British Isles meaning these incredible jumpers came together by working with one of the finest luxury knitwear makers in the country.
Founded over 100 years ago, it works with hand-operated machines overseen by one person rather than the industrial-size knitting machines of the day. It is one of the only, perhaps the only, maker to do that in Britain. Slow going — relying on hand-operation, there’s no go-faster dial, and if a knitter’s wrist takes a knock (it can happen) production comes to a halt — but the results without doubt bear out the time, skill, and considerable effort involved.

So now you know just how phenomenal these jumpers are, it’s time to ENTER THE COMPETITION! We’re looking for the funniest and/or most original answer (rather than the correct one) to the following question….


You can answer in two ways, either by posting in the comment section on this page (including your size S, M, L or XL) OR by tweeting “The S.E.H. in @sehkelly stands for [your answer] and I am a size [your size]”. The jammy, jumper winner will be picked in a couple of weeks, so get entering and the best of British luck to you!



  1. Harry McNally

    Somebody extremely hurt (he wasnt credited with half the quiz) Kelly (xl crew please)

  2. Bert’s is pretty good.

    “Suave and Exceedingly Handsome” Kelly.

    Flattery. Size L / 42 chest.

  3. Spastic Eunuch’s Hard-on ( as in’ As much use as a Spastic Eunuch’s Hard-on)
    I am XL..

  4. Adrian Dale

    Good food at low prices. What….wait, no that’s not it…..

    Shawl necked English Heroics.

    XL thankyouplease.

  5. (S)waledale (E)st a laine merino (H)ebridean


  6. Biff Loman

    Strangely Erotic Hairdo

    I’ll have the shawl collar in XL, cheers.

  7. Theboylightning

    Sombre English Hiking-wear

    Oh, I’d love a medium you know…

  8. Nicholas

    Superbly executed haberdashery!

    Mine’ll be a Large, squire. With the fancy neck.

  9. simon Lindley

    Sexy, Enigmatic, Handsome….and thats just me…the jumper is even better!!! XL please!!!

  10. Sexually energized Howard


    P.S. I’d best fucking win.

  11. ‘Societas Europaea Herpetologica’

    I think it’s some kind of herpes society. Why you’d name your jumper company after something so horrible-sounding, I don’t know.

    Probably why it’s just got their initials on the ticket. Imagine a lady spotting that while it was on her bedroom floor. You’d be known as ‘herpes Harry’, all over Facebook.

    Anyway, I digress – large please

  12. Phil Purvis

    Sara ‘Enigmatic Haberdasher’ Kelly

    Size small please

  13. Iain Wallace

    Special Expedition Hikerdelia
    Size Medium..

  14. Johnny Hall

    Sweater’s Extremely Hip Kelly
    Crew neck Large please

  15. Kurt from Melbourne

    Soluble Elephant Hard-On

    Medium please.

  16. Sandwiches eaten here, Kelly

    I’m a large


  17. Nick Johannessen

    So English it Hurts!

    I’ll go Large for mine, pretty please!

  18. WilliamItWasReallyNothing


    XL/Crew neck please

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