If you happen to follow me on twitter, you’ll be fully aware of my two month long pursuit to sell enough stuff to buy a washing machine for my new house. It’s a metaphor. We have a washing machine but She is managing to spend a fortune on ‘a few bits’ (such as; cushions, throws, cutlery and T.V. licenses) and smuggling them into the house like Putin getting ‘aid’ into the Ukraine. I felt it was time I got involved. Welcome to your first steps into the world of luxury homeware.
One new experience from living with an actual woman is becoming enlightened to the benefits of candles. Scents of jasmine are currently de-muskifying my attic-come-wardrobe. Don’t be sceptical. Once upon a time, you were happy to spend a couple of weeks wages on a coat with goggles in to wear for a spot of pavement dancing before awakening to the need to finish off your get up with a proper pair of socks. You’re more than happy to drink a more expensive pint as you can taste the difference… and buzz off looking kinda superior. Plus you get to set stuff alight, which is always fun. But Yankee Candles and tea lights from Poundland just won’t cut it.
Get on these parfumées from A.P.C. over at Liquor Store and stop blaming those chicken saag aloo farts on the dog. What’s more, when your recently got into real ale drinking mate with a no longer trendy beard comes over to watch the Super Cup and says,
“Fuck are they? Candles?”
You can be prouder than a labrador carrying a massive stick and go,
“Yeah. They’re A.P.C. and cost £25 each. Pass me that Zippo.”