Winter is just a short hike around the corner (and up a snow-flecked hill) and the question is, will this mountaineering palarver continue to prevail? Are you even into it? Well, we suggest you take this quiz in readiness for the wind and sleet arriving.
After all, there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. Take the quiz to find out more.
How do you react upon receipt of a text saying ‘are you coming down the pub?’
a) THR in 10min M8
b) Get a grid reference, fire up the Magellan, spend two hours putting various technical layers on and another 45 minutes doing your boots up before turning to the missus and saying ‘I’m going out, I may be some time’
What is a crampon?
a) Is it those moods ‘she’ goes in when it’s that time of the month?
b) An essential piece of kit when trekking in arctic conditions
What was the last reason you took a day or two off work sick?
a) Stella Artois sickness/ Because I’d be playing Desert Storm on my PS3 for two days/ To go to a massive festival in South Wiltshire
b) Altitude Sickness/Because I’d been stranded in a storm for two days/ To attend a mass funeral in South America
How often do you solo?
a) If it’s a slow day at work or when the 10 minute adult channel preview comes on and I’ve got the house to myself
b) Whenever I think I know a route or problem well enough
If someone were to open your wardrobe and threw a large bucket of icy water in it, what would the effects be?
a) Devastating for all concerned
b) Nothing a gale force wind couldn’t dry out
When did you last suffer a whiteout?
a) Ibiza Town 08, I have never seen so much powder, I thought I would never get the feeling back in my face
b) Mont Blanc 06, I have never seen so much powder, I thought I would never get the feeling back in my face
What did you have for breakfast this morning?
a) A full english breakfast and a round of toast washed down with a mug of sweet milky tea.
b) Kendal Mint Cake
You go out to meet up with ‘the lads’. Are you:
a) Mobbed up in a boozer close to a football ground, but safely off the radar of the local OB.
b) On the summit of Ben Nevis.
The last time you had trouble with a sherpa you:
a) Rang the local van centre and informed them that was the last time you were buying a fifteen year-old runaround off them.
b) Rang the local base camp and told them that was the last time you were buying a fifteen year-old runaround off them.
Get with the program, you square.
We are soo over the Stone Island and trainers look.
Time to invest in some Jap issue Danners and a vintage 60/40 parka, daddio.
You are Chris Bonnington and I claim my five pounds.