Happy Valentine’s Day from Icon Brand! A chance to win our hearts!

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, especially to those of you who are still looking for love and/or a really cool candle. To celebration this loved up day, we’re giving you the chance to literally win our heart. To be in with the chance of winning one of three (anatomically correct and therefore very macho) heart shaped candles from Icon Brand in blinged out gold or ice cold white. Just post a funny valentines rhyme or message in the comments section below and the three that make us blow tea out of our nose with laughter the most will get to win our hearts!




  1. Roses are black
    Violets are black
    Everything’s black
    Steve Wonder.

  2. Blood bleeds red, the man is pale
    Shit I think he’s dead.

  3. Roses are red
    Jonah’s a blue
    Slag off my concepts
    and I’ll put your windows through

  4. Mark Lawton

    Lorraine Kelly
    Tits like jelly
    Haggis-filled belly
    Breath probably smelly

    Gash like burnt welly
    As graceful as Nelly
    But I probably still would;
    Because you’re on telly

  5. Roses are expensive
    You’re not worth a pound
    Here’s some Embassy Regal
    Now show me your mound

  6. pope benedict

    Roses are red
    My old robes were white
    I quit my job for you
    Can I be your wife?

  7. Swiss James

    Since the Jeremy Kyle show
    Will not have us on
    I’ll just tell you this way
    He isn’t your son

  8. Roses are red,
    Tuna is red,
    Poems are hard,

  9. Mark Smith

    Blue for a son
    Pink for a daughter
    Now where do I get my jeans altered in the Northern Quarter?

  10. Johnny Hall

    Roses are classy
    Violets are tasteful
    Come round to mine
    And you’ll get a faceful.

  11. Swiss James

    Roses are red
    Violets are cerulean
    In maths “True or False”
    Is known as a boolean.

    I’m starting to scrape the barrel here, think it’s probably best if I stop.

  12. Swiss James

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Let’s take our own sheets
    (Because of the poo)

  13. Swiss James

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    But I left it till half-9
    Will daffodils do?

  14. Swiss James

    Roses are red,
    Yellow, black and orange,
    This verse doesn’t rhyme,
    But it is factually correct.

  15. Swiss James

    Roses are red
    Roses are red
    I have Alzheimers
    Roses are red

  16. Swiss James

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    I bought you some chocolates
    Now please can we screw?

  17. my nose is too big
    my cock is so small
    my spelloing iss soe bad
    im the boyfriend you hardly see

  18. I woke from a coma
    And didn’t recognise my valentine
    Because she’s from Israel
    And I am from Palestine

  19. Metaphor Romantic

    If you were a cliff,
    And I were the sea,
    I would slowly erode you,
    Because you’re too fat.

  20. Josef Fritzl

    I’m sorry for keeping you from your mother
    Now let’s make you another brother

  21. Roses are red, violets are glorious.
    Never sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.

  22. A bad man

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    I’ve got a knife,
    Now get in the van.

  23. Jimmy Saville

    Thanks for writing
    To Jim’ll Fix it
    Don’t tell anyone about this
    And I’ll give you a biscuit

  24. Dave Lee Travis

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    I’ll never play records again
    on Radio 2


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