Happy Valentine’s Day everyone, especially to those of you who are still looking for love and/or a really cool candle. To celebration this loved up day, we’re giving you the chance to literally win our heart. To be in with the chance of winning one of three (anatomically correct and therefore very macho) heart shaped candles from Icon Brand in blinged out gold or ice cold white. Just post a funny valentines rhyme or message in the comments section below and the three that make us blow tea out of our nose with laughter the most will get to win our hearts!
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25 Comments
Roses are black
Violets are black
Everything’s black
Steve Wonder.
Blood bleeds red, the man is pale
Shit I think he’s dead.
Roses are red
Jonah’s a blue
Slag off my concepts
and I’ll put your windows through
Lorraine Kelly
Tits like jelly
Haggis-filled belly
Breath probably smelly
Gash like burnt welly
As graceful as Nelly
But I probably still would;
Because you’re on telly
Roses are expensive
You’re not worth a pound
Here’s some Embassy Regal
Now show me your mound
Roses are red
My old robes were white
I quit my job for you
Can I be your wife?
Since the Jeremy Kyle show
Will not have us on
I’ll just tell you this way
He isn’t your son
Roses are red,
Tuna is red,
Poems are hard,
Tuna.
Blue for a son
Pink for a daughter
Now where do I get my jeans altered in the Northern Quarter?
Roses are classy
Violets are tasteful
Come round to mine
And you’ll get a faceful.
Roses are red
Violets are cerulean
In maths “True or False”
Is known as a boolean.
I’m starting to scrape the barrel here, think it’s probably best if I stop.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Let’s take our own sheets
(Because of the poo)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But I left it till half-9
Will daffodils do?
Roses are red,
Yellow, black and orange,
This verse doesn’t rhyme,
But it is factually correct.
Roses are red
Roses are red
I have Alzheimers
Roses are red
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I bought you some chocolates
Now please can we screw?
my nose is too big
my cock is so small
my spelloing iss soe bad
im the boyfriend you hardly see
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I’m off my tits on ecstasy.
I fucking love you, what’s your name?
I woke from a coma
And didn’t recognise my valentine
Because she’s from Israel
And I am from Palestine
If you were a cliff,
And I were the sea,
I would slowly erode you,
Because you’re too fat.
I’m sorry for keeping you from your mother
Now let’s make you another brother
Roses are red, violets are glorious.
Never sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ve got a knife,
Now get in the van.
Thanks for writing
To Jim’ll Fix it
Don’t tell anyone about this
And I’ll give you a biscuit
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ll never play records again
on Radio 2
xxx