The loneliness of an internet forum member

<<Thread last edited by gerry

at 19:33 2nd

September 2008>>

SUBJECT: The loneliness of a forum board member.

It’s a Saturday morning, 11.13 am to be precise. The weather outside is clement. Mums go visiting family, people are going to Weddings, dads chat over the fence to neighbours about grass growing techniques (more fertilising than hydroponics), lads go to the football match, have a few scoops, discuss latest signings, maybe even get their hands dirty.

Me? I prefer to sit indoors. On my own with laptop on knee, in the dark. The amount of information at my finger tips is endless; being able to learn new skills, hobbies, read about history, politics or the news events from all around the globe – I don’t need to travel, its all in front of me.

But no – that’s not what I do.

I spend my time looking at clobber, a clip of a scally getting floored by hong kong phooey, a banned Guinness advert (not due its sexual hints, but because its shite) listening to obscure disco records and just a few minutes a week on soul destroying grot (honestly, it doesn’t take me long), but most of free time and my work time (my boss wont read this) is spent in the secret underworld of internet forums.

Now, its hard work filtering out the wheat from the chaff in everyday life – especially when you forced to sit next to a samehead for 36.5 hours, Monday to Friday – but with the internet, you can avoid all the wagons by joining message boards with people who you already know you will get on with – music, films, clothes, football; all these things make you instant bessie cyber mates.

Its like having hundreds of pals, with a hundred conversations going on at once, that you can get into at any time. It’s a good feeling knowing your’re not alone in this world with you weird obsessions, but there are like-minded individuals in the same boat – even if you can’t agree what deck shoes are best to wear in said boat.

If someone is talking shite, you can tell em without getting fear of violence, even if they threaten to open the shooter cabinet. Lets face it, its hard work making an effort outside the comfort of your house. You need to buy new gear, decide what to wear, get wet travelling there, then all the melvs en route will just enrage you, making you want to go home. That’s if you can find a decent boozer or afford to go to one! Internet forums ARE the new going out. FACT. So im not sad, im just ahead of my time – even if cords, 20-year-old trainers and tweed are highlights of discussion!

There are some downsides to spending 90 hours a week staring at a 17″ screen and I think all this time spent on the cyberspace is affecting my ability to cope with everyday life and social situations…

Sometimes its hard to find the words you want to express on forum boards, so some geek invented emotions/smiles that put how you are feeling into happy pictures. So, I thought I’d tried this out on the real world; be warned though, holding up the picture of a yellow circle holding a pint don’t always get you served and When gorping at someone’s footwear to discuss on the internet, if they ask you, “what?” dont reply with a small business card with a sign saying “gay code” on it, I think the irony is lost.

*goes off to build that machine out of the lawn mower man*

Next time:

Coming out to your family you’ve made a friend off the “internet”.

Attending a convention of forum board members aka the meet

How to remember meaningful life facts instead of lads who you’ve never met shoe size and pit to pit measurement.

Gerry WilcoxsonNB: This is not gerry

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