An Idiots Guide to the Uniformes Generale Randomiser

Black Friday, Cyber Monday… What about a special day for special sales?

Uniformes Generale continue in their quest to force you to fall in love with them. They coerce you with their cool clothing and when that’s not quite enough to convince you, they reach for the Randomiser.

Having spent more time than I should admit getting to grips with this game of chance, I thought I’d write a quick idiots guide to getting the best out of it. Not that I’m calling you an idiot, don’t hit me, put that chair down, I’m not worth it!

The first thing to say is it’s genuinely random. Having picked the brains of their stoic web wizards, and observed it in action, I can say with certainty there’s no catch, it’s not “a bloody swizz” as your elderly relatives may call it. It really is random. So on that score, there’s not a lot to tell you other than don’t waste your time trying to suss out some kind of running order.

Secondly, you’ll probably already know this, but I’ll tell you anyway. Between each discounted period the prices go back to the regular amount for a brief spell. It not only allows the little men in the computer a breather, but it helps keep any mischievous gremlins at bay. So if the randomiser is in full flow and all you’re seeing in full price, consider it an amber light. Refresh regularly and you shouldn’t be disappointed.

Perhaps the cleverest bit of the randomiser is the random times certain discounts are applied for. It encourages you to quickly add stuff to your basket, frightened to death that you’ll miss out on the level of discount you desire. But wait… you’re (probably) doing it (a bit) wrong. Because a quirk of the system means each random discount spell is applied not only to everything on the site, but also that coat and those tees sitting impatiently in your basket. So even though you added them when there was 10% off, if you checkout when there’s a whopping 75% discount running, it’ll apply the latter. This means if you’re wanting to save time messing about when the desirable bit of dizzy hits, you can load your basket up and simply checkout when the time is right. It’s like Paddy Power or some shit.

Because even if the ‘Randomiser’ changes, you still pay the price that you chose when you hit the checkout button. Simple and risk free.

Don’t tell them I told you all this. *taps nose*

Click here to grab a bargain.

Mark Smith

I had pizza for tea.

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