Palace Department SS14

“D-donnnn’t move… this is a s-stick up!” … “Yes Maammm” … “Cadet Mahoney, Cadet Mahoney, report immediately to the Commandant’s office” … “Hiiii Les-lie”

Go on, name that film?

Actually don’t, I’ll do it for you. Police Academy. As a kid growing up, my sleeping patterns were far more healthy. I’d wake early most days, even Sundays. While everyone else basked in bed with their weekly lie in, I was downstairs eating toast, necking nesquick and watching films on VHS. One time, for no reason in particular, I set fire to the carpet. I shat myself (not literally, although that was probably more down to luck), shouted my Dad and stood back as he bounded downstairs wearing nothing but a panic-stricken expression. He put the little fire out using his adidas tracksuit top and for many years after, an expensive rug hid a palm shaped burn in the carpet where he’d patted it out.

Funny the things you remember.

VHS tapes though. Without getting all Peter Kay, did anyone else have a video man? A bloke who came round once a week with a suitcase in the back of his Cortina, featuring all the latest releases, legal or otherwise. It was via this I saw all manner of Van Damme epics plus films which would go on to become classics. Back to the Future, Goonies, Ghostbusters, Crocodile Dundee (STOP LAUGHING YOU), Big, Karate Kid, that one about that man, all the greats…

But the one I watched probably a bit more than the rest was Police Academy. It had everything. Blow jobs, a mimic, swearing, nice shoes (were they adidas Summit?) and proper sportswear.

When I was doing the rounds looking at new stuff, as a bored/boring swine like me does from time to time, I happened across the latest stuff from Palace. I bloody love Palace. They’re properly now aren’t they? I don’t care if that sounds fashiony.

Anyway, Police and Palace sound a bit the same don’t they, so with just that as a starting and finishing point, they’ve done some police-style stuff, which is available from Liquor Store, amongst others (probably, as ever I’ve not checked anywhere else).

I’d normally shy away from dressing like a copper. They’re all Top Gear melvs in the main aren’t they? The type of people who wear Plain Lazy t-shirts from TK Maxx because a) They want to show that when they’re away from work they’re just like us mere mortals and b) Their Mrs (who invariably buys all their clothes) likes it.

But a fictional, skateboarding nutcase American copper? Maybe. A mystical ‘merican madhead who thinks he’s in the police but due to being totally illiterate/not arsed, he just wears this stuff instead.

Or maybe he’s a Police Academy obsessive who once set fire to his carpet. Like me.